Insecurities

It hasn't being even a week since I made my resolution and I am scared.
It's not even going to happen until a year from now!
I can't help it though.
Everything is coming to my head.
Making me nervous.
I'm both super excited and scared shit less.
I am so scared.
Burr.
I want to do it.
I want to cut my hair.
But would I be able to pull it off?
Will be a part of me?
Will I own it?
Or will it own me?
I have a boyish figure.
Not so many curves.
I'm scared I am going to look like a boy.
I'm scared that I am going to look like a boy.
I like boys.
I want boys to like me.
But if I look like one of them they won't like me.
Is that terrible?
I know I'm being insecure.
I know this.
Can't be helped though.
It's impossible for me to imagine my hair that short.
It just not possible.
I'm so scared.
I want to do it though.
I might do it.
I might do it before.
Even if I want to die after.
I'm still going to do it.
I will.
I promise.

Hair: Part Deux

I've written about hair before.
How it was the frame of the face and shit.
I mentioned that I have always wanted a pixie cut.
Like Twiggy above.
I've made a resolution.
A resolution i am going to keep.
I'm going to stop being afraid.
Afraid of the unknown.
You see, I don't know how I would look like without my long hair.
My very long hair.
Almost to my ass.
Ass ass ass.
My resolution is the following:
I am going to cut my hair like Twiggy after my graduation.
I am going to do.
I'm so excited!
I cannot wait.
Dasss righttt.

integrity and shit

So I'm sitting in the boston airport after a week at a leadership conference with sixtytwo other collge students and five adult facilitators; i feel like I'm leaving here empty hand but so fulfilled at the same time. In a week I opened myself up to people in ways I'd never done, I thought about my vision of the future for at least three scheduled hours a day, and I effectively actively listened as others did the same. It was wonderful to be in a room with people my age who have great visions for the future, who want to challenge and change the system. I'm excited to go out there and do cool shit. This was a great start to his summer; it has made me so pumped for north Carolina!

Getting Schooled

Well, I'm making this blog my bitch.
Oh no! You say.
Profanity!
Oh but isn't this supposed to be a family oriented blog?!
Well, let me tell you, my dear reader, that I have no idea where you got that from.
So, as I was saying, I'm making this blog my bitch.
At least for today.
I have yet to meet a boy/man that I feel any type of attraction to.
At least long lasting.
Yes, I've had little crushes.
Some have been for a long time.
This was only because I never really got to know the guy.
I get really bored VERY fast.
Speedy freaking Gonzalez fast.
I don't know why.
In recent times, there has been a few guys.
One was Venezuelan and fucking annoying.
Yes, the curse word is necessary.
It emphasizes the annoyingness.
He is good looking but man, I can't stand more than 5 minutes with him.
Then, there's my friend that I met at a conference.
Great body.
OK face.
But so boring.
We have nothing in common but our major.
Plus, he's been my college frustration.
He shows a LIL' bit of interest and then, KAPOW! He runs away.
No.
He needs to not run away.
It wouldn't b anything serious.
I couldn't deal with serious with him.
Anyway.
My other friend.
Physically? Meh.
Personality? AWESOME.
Just. Awesome.
He has a girlfriend though.
Stops our friendship from growing.
I hate it.
So much.
Whatever.
So that's about...OH WAIT.
WOW.
I was forgetting my other friend.
Oh, wow.
I guess not much of a friend if I was forgetting him.
You see, I met him at a party.
Cute enough.
Flirty.
Started talking and getting to know each other.
Dates, hanging out.
I thought it would go somewhere.
But then, I realized that there was something in his personality that just...stopped me from liking him completely.
I just stopped liking him.
I thought he understood when I wasn't eager to see him or making plans.
He didn't.
He hasn't.
Even though, I called him "friend" repeatedly.
I told him we are not dating.
I thought he understood.
I'm not so sure.
I'm still figuring that out.
So now I am left with no one.
And I am not happy about this.
I don't know what this makes me.
Never had a boyfriend.
I am abnormal.
I am.
I am and I feel OK with that.
I just.
Hmm, I don't want a boyfriend- don't get me wrong.
Hmm, actually I'm perfectly OK with where I am and what I have in that sense.
Damn, this blog made me its bitch.
I got schooled yo.
Peaceee.

Jonas Brothers - Burnin' Up

Even on the bus we would get on our toes for that part :)

gonna make it

this song is so empowering. makes me feel good in every way and helps me get through these finals! 

kelly clarkson + t-swift = reading/finals week success.

ahhh this time next year i will be in paris! so elated with this news
i've missed this blog, i have a feeling i'll be writing more in it this summer.

Birds! Y u no sleep?

I am a loving person.
No, really I am.
I love nature.
I do.
I'm not some tree hugger.
But I do think that our environment and its creatures should be safe guarded.
I'm not going to think your puppy is cute.
I'm not.
Neither will I find your cat precious.
I'm allergic.
Plus, they're like little lions.
This equates to dangerous.
So, no, I won't like your cat.
I used to like birds.
They fly.
They're not usually scary.
This has changed.
It has.
My room is next to a tree.
This tree is riddled with birds.
I haven't been able to sleep for 2 nights.
I'm going crazy.
I love sleeping.
These stupid, stupid birds.
I want to shoot them.
I do.
I don't feel bad saying that.
Nope.
No, remorse.
I don't know what to do.
My dad's getting inch thick styrofoam sheets.
These will cover my windows.
Maybe I can sleep then.
Hopefully.
I love sleeping.

32A

Yes, that is my bra size.
No, I am not ashamed.
Embarrassed.
I am not.
I used to be.
Back in high school and middle school.
I didn't have anything!
I still don't.
I just stopped comparing.
Not in middle school.
Six and seventh grade, I wore sports bras.
It was normal to me.
Until that one day.
My friend, the one that laughed at my poem, said to me (in a mean streak), "it's like Laura! EVERYONE can tell you still wear training bras!"
I thought nobody could tell.
Everyone did.
I didn't even want to wear a bra in the first place.
It all started in the fifth grade when I started noticing that girls were wearing training bras.
I was perplexed!
Weren't we too young for it?
I wasn't growing anything.
Were they?
They were.
So, I joined them.
Only so if my shirt moved, you would see the strap.
So people would know I was cool too.
I wanted to fit in.
So, in seventh grade when my friend said that I freaked.
I needed a real bra.
So, I got a real bra.
It was very padded.
It felt like a pillow.
I was so embarrassed.
My biggest fear was someone brushing against it and noticing the amount of padding!
What would I say?
It was horrible.
But then, high school came.
I became a bra advocate.
Yes.
I did.
Everyone had boobs.
Big tetas.
If I wanted boys, I need big tetas.
Solution?
PUSH UP BRAS.
A flat girl's best friend!
All my bras were push up.
I had to.
Even my bathing suit.
I even admonished my friend for not wearing bras.
I told her bras are needed.
They help make boobs healthy so that when we are 40 our boobs don't sag.
Gravity is a bitch.
I was a bra advocate.
Up until last semester.
The process of me loving my small boobs was gradual.
It started after high school.
I became OK with them.
But my bra hatred came last semester.
Last semester changed it all.
I, Laura, went bra less.
And I loved it.
I love it!
It is so freeing.
Nobody notices because I'm so flat chested.
It's great!
I feel girly without a bra.
Like I can conquer anything.
I love it.
I wear sports bras all the time now.
Or no bra.
You should try it.
Be free.
Unless you have big tetas.
Then, please don't.
Nobody wants to see that.
I love my boobies.
I do.
SO MUCH.
32A.
Flat and proud.