Sad for no reason.
I've had an unproductive weekend, yes.
It was out of choice.
I chose it to be an unproductive weekend.
A weekend of laziness.
But I am sad.
I am so sad.
I don't know why.
My mom calls it the melancholy part of my personality.
It's true.
This isn't the worst episode.
It's not.
That prize goes to the episode in Colombia during Christmas break.
I spent a whole day crying and being absolutely miserable for no reason at all.
I just felt so sad.
Like my life depended on me being sad.
I couldn't help but just feel like that day wasn't worth it.
Like I was never going to come out of it.
I knew that there was no reason for my sadness.
Which drove me into more sadness.
And the hole became deeper.
I felt that crying would control it, make go away.
The thing with crying is that everyone can see it.
Especially, when you're staying in an overcrowded house.
Overcrowded because of my family.
Because my family was visiting.
I've had episodes before that but my parents hadn't witnessed them.
My dad didn't understand; my mom did.
She knew and it worried her.
I feel a teensy bit like that tonight.
I'm hoping writing will make it go away.
I don't think I'm depressive.
I sure hope I am not.
Not everyone understands.
One of my closest friends doesn't get it.
I want her to understand.
The sadness doesn't come out of boredom.
Doing "fun" things will not make it go away.
It goes away by itself.
It just goes away.
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