I Just Don't Understand

My parents are complicated.
I don't understand what they want from me.
I just don't.
First, my mother was all "family comes first".
And now she's all "I don't want you there and your dad doesn't either".
This is after I said yes.
I don't understand.
Is she doing it to make me feel better if I don't go?
I said I was.
She says I would be in a bad mood since I am being forced to go.
They aren't forcing me.
I want to go.
I just don't at the same time.
She says we will probably fight.
She says we WILL fight.
Am I so complicated that she prefers me far?
What does this say about me?
Why is this such a big deal?
Why did she have to go and make it such a big deal?
Why couldn't she just let it be?
Understand that if my initial decision of not going was wrong or egotistical or immature, then I will learn through my experience.
Not hers.
That if they can't compare my educational achievements with my brother's, then why compare their relationship with him to our's?
It's not fair.
I love her but she's being so difficult.
I guess our relationship is changing.
I just hope that not for the worse.
God forbid.
I just don't understand.
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