i'm happy

when i'm scared of things i avoid them. i postpone daunting assignments, talking to people on the phone, & responding to messages when i don't know what's coming. i actively try not to run into people, i circumvent places, i overlook situations, i lie. i get out of previously made arrangements, i cancel, i 'forget' to show up. i never know what to do with myself afterwards--keep avoiding, journaling, sleeping. if i spent all my life avoiding things, places, & people, i would never get anywhere. i'm reflecting on this because i dropped a special someone off at the airport yesterday. had i avoided him, like i did for a few weeks at a tipping point in our friendship, i never would have developed this vibrant, healthy, loving relationship. i like someone more than i have ever liked anyone. it's new and scary and wonderful.