My mother wants to leave.

I've been talking to my mother. 

She is not happy. 

Brother and her came back from Colombia not too long ago. 

We talked. 

I could see it in her face. 

She wanted to tell me something. 

She did. 

She's been thinking of moving back to Colombia. 

For a little while. 

By herself. 

I don't know how to take the news. 

I mean, I understand. 

I understand. 

I understand her. 

She needs it. 

She needs to figure out her life. 

Be independent. 

I just don't know what I will do. 

I can't live here without her. 

I cannot. 

She needs it. 

I love her.

Rii-ACTion

Can you teach me how not to run away?

Please? 

I'm so proud of you. 

For not running away. 

The scenarios that you explained are my life. 

Every single one of them. 

I didn't say bye to Dean. 

I pretended to be asleep.

Didn't answer her phone calls. 

Din't even look at the text message until the next day. 

When she was already gone. 

I couldn't say bye. 

She was the only one that stayed with me. 

She was leaving. 

I didn't know how to deal. 

I didn't want to cry. 

I'm so proud you stopped running. 

I'm afraid of commitment.

So I don't commit. 

I'm afraid of love. 

So I don't love. 

I don't mean friendship love but romantic love. 

I will learn. 

I will learn like you have learned

i'm happy

when i'm scared of things i avoid them. i postpone daunting assignments, talking to people on the phone, & responding to messages when i don't know what's coming. i actively try not to run into people, i circumvent places, i overlook situations, i lie. i get out of previously made arrangements, i cancel, i 'forget' to show up. i never know what to do with myself afterwards--keep avoiding, journaling, sleeping. if i spent all my life avoiding things, places, & people, i would never get anywhere. i'm reflecting on this because i dropped a special someone off at the airport yesterday. had i avoided him, like i did for a few weeks at a tipping point in our friendship, i never would have developed this vibrant, healthy, loving relationship. i like someone more than i have ever liked anyone. it's new and scary and wonderful.

what

is love?