Thursday, September 27, 2012

Fear

Fear is overwhelming.
I'm not afraid of heights or the darkness.
I'm not afraid of flying in airplanes or water.
I'm afraid of animals.
I'm so afraid.
I found a cockroach in my room today.
I couldn't handle it.
I freak out if it's outside of my room.
But I can try to kill it.
I will scream a little but try.
I just couldn't handle the fact that it was in my room.
In my sanctum.
My inner sanctum.
I didn't know what to do.
I just screamed for my brother.
Screamed like my life depended on it.
It did.
I thought it did.
It's not rational.
I know.
It's such a small insect and I'm so much bigger.
I just got scared.
I just did.
I started crying because it ran away and it hid.
I can't sleep in the same room.
It might crawl into my bed.
Walk all over me with its tiny insect legs.
I can't deal with that.
I screamed and screamed.
I wanted to throw up.
It's so irrational but it was in my room and I didn't know where.
I couldn't respond to its attack until it would have been too late.
I screamed and screamed.
My brother got exasperated.
He threw me things everywhere.
He was desperate to shut me up by finding it.
Finally, he found it.
He found it and he killed it.
He killed it and flushed it away.
He killed it and I was scared.
I was so scared.
I'm so scared.

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