My grandma died on Wednesday.
I don't like saying "passed away."
I only use it so people don't think I'm insensitive.
Euphemisms don't make her come back.
She's dead and that's that.
I loved my grandma.
I used to call her "Abue."
Short for "Abuela."
I capitalize because that was her name.
Her name to me.
She was a beautiful person.
She didn't have an easy life but she had a nice elderly life.
Her ending is what counted.
She was healthy.
She was healthy until 4 p.m. Tuesday afternoon.
When she had a stroke.
12 hours later, she was dead.
I'm going to miss her.
She never saw me have a boyfriend.
She didn't see my brother graduate high school.
She won't be at my wedding.
Not that I expected her to.
She was 84 years old.
Who knows when I'm getting married?
It could be 10, 20, never years.
She wouldn't have lived anyway.
I always used to say, "my grandma is visiting. I need to spend all my time with her."
People would ask, "but why?"
I would answer, "because she is old and she might die any minute."
I was right.
I knew it was coming.
It's just always very hard.
I'm going to miss her.
My brother and I.
We loved her.
We showed her we loved her.
We kissed her and we hugged her.
We won't be able to do that anymore.
I'll be fine.
God wanted her.
He reclaimed her.
I understand that.
I just have to fully comprehend that I won't get to see her again.
I guess, get used to the idea.
Understand completely.
I'm glad she never found out 2 of her granddaughters were lesbians.
That would have probably killed her.
I'm glad she didn't.
She probably knew but never accepted it.
I'm so glad.
I'm also happy she died without suffering.
She remembered me when she died.
I know it.
Her memory was better than mine.
It was.
I kid you not.
She was the last of my grandparents.
The only one I actually knew.
I'm going to miss her.
I don't think we are having a funeral for her.
I think this is good.
Even if we were, I wouldn't go.
I don't want that to be my last memory.
I want my last memory to be when I saw her last.
In her old lady nightgown.
All sad because her visit was over.
But happy because she was going to see her best friend.
Funerals don't work for me.
I'll be OK.
I'm in the middle of a campaign.
I'm in the middle of a test week.
I'll be fine.
I'll just focus on that.
It works.
I love my grandma.
I do.
Always.
